


If we try, we'll get by, so forget all about us tonight

by sal_paradise



Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sleepy Boys, Sleepy Cuddles, blanket burrito tomas, guilty marcus, mouse rips marcus apart for leaving, post season 2 marcus leaves and comes back, this is alot of angst okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 02:31:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14322609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_paradise/pseuds/sal_paradise
Summary: In which, Marcus is  drawn back to Tomas and  MouseMarcus  gets a tongue  lashingand soft  words are  exchanged





	If we try, we'll get by, so forget all about us tonight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Archaeodigit_dima](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archaeodigit_dima/gifts).



> I've been listening to Jesus Christ superstar a lot recently surprise surprise.  
> please protect my soft, touch starved boys  
> they deserve the world
> 
> Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to  
> Problems that upset you, oh.  
> Don't you know  
> Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.  
> And we want you to sleep well tonight.  
> Let the world turn without you tonight.  
> If we try, we'll get by, so forget all about us tonight  
> Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes.  
> Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and anoint you.  
> Myrrh for your hot forehead, oh.  
> Then you'll feel  
> Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.  
> And it's cool, and the ointment's sweet  
> For the fire in your head and feet.  
> Close your eyes, close your eyes  
> And relax, think of nothing tonight ~ Everything's alright- Jesus Christ Superstar
> 
>  
> 
> I want you, I need you  
> But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you  
> Now don't be sad  
> 'Cause two out of three ain't bad  
> Baby we can talk all night  
> But that ain't getting us nowhere ~ Meatloaf- Two out three ain't bad

 

 

His phone blared late one night bringing Marcus out of a restless sleep.

All his sleep had been restless since….well since he left Tomas.

He chastised himself for getting attached to the boy so quickly, but his dreams were usually of Tomas these days in danger. In the worst of them he woke panting for breath the image of a crimson eyed Tomas a magnificent head of horns spiraling over his head grinning and holding him by the neck as he squeezed the life out of him.

 

Blindly he reached for his phone not before glancing at the time 3.30 am

He checked who it was and the phone read _church mouse_ the pit of his stomach dropped away.

_Shit._

He had separated from Mouse and Tomas almost 6 months ago. It was for the greater good he had convinced himself. He was compromised. However he wasn't a total fool, he had made mouse promise to phone if the situation was dire.

 

Otherwise they were ghosts to one another.

Tomas did not know

So when the call came, Marcus’ blood ran cold. He lunged for the phone

“Hello?”

“Marcus?”

“Mouse.”

He was waiting for the shoe to drop.

“You said only dire circumstances-”

“Out with it church Mouse” he said testily

“Don't snap at me Marcus Keane, you of all people have no right.”

Marcus flushed.

Truth was a hard pill to swallow.

They were out fighting the good fight.

He was not..

“What happened? “ He managed softly

“Its Tomas.”

Marcus cringed.

“ -it's been three days no response keeps speaking in Spanish. My spanish isn’t great but… he keeps asking for you.”

Marcus swore.

“Did you check his-”

“They were white till a day ago but he still hasn’t woken up… Marcus he’s never been down this long. I’m worried.”

Marcus didn’t reply. He was too.

“ where-”

“ the Laughing Jackal… you know where.”

Marcus nodded. It was code.

“I'll be there as soon as I can.”

Xxxx

Marcus knew the Jackal he and Mouse had been there in the past. He by some miracle ( or divine intervention )  was not as far as he thought he’d be. He was only a couple hours away.

Still, the  drive was hard- he was  restless and worried to see them both, soon he was pulling off the highway, his thoughts frazzled, as he parked at  the hotel and found himself at their room in a daze.

He knocked, and the door opened to a piercing gaze.

“Mouse?”

“ Marcus Keane as  I live and breath.”  Her tone was cool, detached.

“ I came  as soon as I could.”

“I see  that only  life and death situations  bring his majesty out of retirement.” she  quipped.

Marcus  winced.

“ Can I come in?”

“ That  depends Marcus  Keane are you staying?”

Marcus  was quiet “ you know that I can’t, I  came because you called.”

“ So you’re going to leave him again?”

“ Is this bloody 20 questions?  Is that why you called me ?” his patience was wearing thin.

He rubbed tiredly at his  face, suddenly weary; he sighed

“ Mouse ... please.”

She sighed.

The door opened, and there stood his  Mouse. She looked tired, ragged and weary.

“ You’re a sight for sore eyes” he managed.

She grunted.

“Mouse I-”

“We should speak outside” Mouse managed her gaze drifting to the lump that was Tomas.

Marcus nodded following her a  short distance away.

The wind was brisk, it did nothing to alleviate their tension.

 

Mouse was tense as if she didn't know him.

He didn't know her.

Not anymore.

No, his Church Mouse was many years away.

He sighed, feeling uncomfortable under her gaze.

“ You said three days?” he  ventured.

She nodded quietly “ I am worried”

“ And it’s not a vision?”

She sneered “ it's the first thing I checked it was at the beginning, I've seen enough of them in the time you’ve been gone.”

He stiffened.

A low blow to his corner.

He felt his hackle raise, despite himself.

“ How hard have you been pushing him?”

Mouse blinked “ what are you implying Marcus?”

Her tone said everything.. _Tread carefu_ lly.

But Marcus could feel himself slipping into anger.

 

“ What do you think i’m implying Mouse?” he spoke  carefully “Well, If I didn't know any better I'd say you may be pushing him too hard with your ridiculous training-”

“ You know  nothing about  it Marcus.”

 

“ I know  enough to know it’s dangerous.”Marcus managed. He usually could keep his anger under better wraps but when it came to Tomas it evaporated- and in that moment Mouse could see clearly the grey old lion. Barely contain his roaring anger.

Someone had hurt his cub.

And those in his way would pay dearly.

 

“ He’s a mortal man Mouse you can’t-”

“ You know he has a more important role in all this then just a mortal man” Mouse managed “he’s a we-”

 

“ If you refer to him as a weapon of God” Marcus growled I swear...”

 

“  You’’ll what Marcus?” Mouse hissed back gone was the meek servant of God, she stiffened her back glaring at him “ you’ll leave again? That’s what you always do when you’re afraid you leave, you did it to him the same way you did to me-”

 

“I told you already I left you in better hands!” Marcus  snarled.

 

“ Marcus open your eyes, his role is greater than ours he’s not just a servant of God what are you going to do when he scares you again? Leave?”

 

“I'm not scared of him” he managed.

 

“Really? Cause that's not what he thinks he thinks he's been tainted and you won't sully your precious little hands with him. it isn't the first time”

 

Marcus paused, searching for an answer but he saw the misery on mouse’s face

He grasped blankly for words.

 

“ Like I thought Marcus you’re a coward you broke him when you left, you were his rock , his ship in the storm, his constant and you walked out when it got hard.”

 

She shook her  head in anger. “He didn't talk for days, just prayed you’d return that God would guide you back to him.”

“I am back.” Marcus managed quietly “I-i it was the right thing it had to be done.”

 

“No marcus it was not the right thing you were simply a right bastard for leaving that boy and you hide you cowardice under God’s name.”

She spat the words at him.

Marcus recoiled as if slapped.

 

Mouse didn’t waiver “I’m sorry I asked you here. It was a mistake.”

 

It was always said the sharpest tool man had was his tongue and Mouse’s was the deadliest Marcus had fallen victim to, he felt wounded, bleeding out from her words.

He stared back almost blankly at her.

 

“  But  Tomas- “he managed.

She shook her head “ If you're going to hurt him more, if you're going to leave him then don’t bother.” she whispered  “best he think it a dream then be crushed by the truth.”

Silence enveloped them.

Deafening.

 

“Mouse- I’m”  

”It’s done Marcus we needed to get that off our chest. It's out there” she smiled weakly.

“I’ll check on Tomas, if you change your mind we’ll be there.”

Marcus watched as she walked away and for a second, he knew how two people he loved and pushed away must have felt.

 

Xxxx

Mouse bustled around the room, keeping busy- she checked on Tomas, and sighed

She hadnt meant to explode like that at Marcus; But everything she said was true.

Still...

She sighed and glanced at Tomas.

A cub with no lion.

Lost, hurt and scared

Was she making it worse?

She sighed.

 

She stood by Tomas’  side in the bed peering down at that waxy skin and restless jerking. She put a hand on his forehead and  he leans into her, desperate for kindness, for warmth and she melts a little.

He was too good for this world.

“ Tomas, please help me figure out what to do.” she managed quietly “I can't do this without you.”

She sits suddenly by him and clutches his hand and for the first time in years not out of life or death danger, she prays, she prays for him to awaken, to be well, to just come back. She clutches a rosary in one hand and Tomas’ in the other and her lips move in the familiar patterns that at one point  been unfaltering love and devotion.

How time changes people.

 

She moves with a stuttering grace through the prayers she knows, her words not harsh and angry but gentle and soft, almost pleading.

 

She isn’t sure how long it goes on but suddenly she feels a  hand on her shoulder- she turns and Marcus is there.

 

“May I?”

She nods numbly and switch places as Marcus makes himself comfortable on the ground at Tomas feet .He hesitates before taking his hand

 

It had been months since he had felt that touch as unresponsive as it was.

It was soft, and gentle just like Tomas and he wraps his old calloused hands in Tomas’ his  only lukewarm only cause of Mouse-

He sighs.

“Ay mi cachorro que fuiste acer?”

_Oh my cub what did you go and do?”_

 

His tone is gentle but the concern is there. He rubs his thumb across the top of his hand.

“I think you've slept enough no Tomas? Please wake up you're already too pretty to be sleeping beauty.”.

Mouse snorted

But the boy does not stir. Marcus feels physical pain. Tomas looks different, skin painted in moltted hues of fading blues and greens and reds from past journeys; the beginnings of gnarled scars Marcus knew he didn't have 6 months ago- emerged from under the collar of his shirt making him frown. He was skinny and sinewy any sort of good weight eaten away- he looks harsher those soft laugh lines set in  deeper as scowls and his beard more wild, he looked older.

 

“He responds to physical contact”  Mouse managed quietly.

“Oh?”

Mouse nodded and showed how him how the boy sighed and leaned into her touch, she ran a hand across his forehead and he seemed to shudder in need.

Marcus felt pity thrum through him. Even in sleep... The boy needed touch.

 

Tomas was so much like Marcus in some ways.

They both opened like flowers in the sun under guiding hand filled with love, but take it away and they withered.

Maruc had to learn to make those opportunities for himself when no one would give it to him -he learned how to self sooth and lick his own wounds.,

 

But Tomas, despite growing with his grandmother and his sister and never having parents in his life, thrived through his remaining family.He was close with them- loved them endlessly and missed them...the church despite being close to God could be isolating.

‘

God's presence once  he was able to feel him had soothed Marcus on so many nights; dried his tears, held him. The seminary for those who didn’t feel his presence could be harsh- that wasn’t to say there wasn’t loving- those with love to give thrived there but that physical intimacy of simple touch and holding was limited there.

 

It was hard, Much less for Tomas, coming from a Latin background, where touching happened endlessly.

He sighed.

He hated to see Tomas like this… Mouse seemed to pick up on the intentions as she muttered something about a shower. As the door closed behind her. Marcus was  quiet.

“Tomas can you hear me?”

No response.

“ Even in sleep you’re a stubborn bastard aren’t you?” he tried to laugh but it fell flat he couldn’t stop the ache in his heart the image of the boy produced.

 

He had abandoned him and this was the result.

Breaking Marcus’ self induced guilt, Tomas suddenly gave a furious twitch and gasp.

“Tomas?” Marcus moved without thinking now kneeling on the bed beside him, his hand lacing harder in Tomas’ grip as the young priest convulsed as if flames licked his body.

 

“ Tomas please, whatever you’re seeing it’s not real” Marcus begged miserably his other hand joining to hold Tomas still. The boy’s eyes were moving restlessly under his lids, Marcus’ hand tried to sooth him, sweat poured off the too thin frame, but he was cold to the touch. Marcus let out a desperate groan of pain and confusion   _he didn’t know what do! They needed someone who was a doctor! They-_

Tomas eyes opened and Marcus almost drowned in those dark voids, he didn’t know he had been missing till just then.

“Tomas?” Marcus couldn’t help the relief that dripped from his tone.

But he knew something was wrong almost right away- there was no recognition.

Tomas just blinked at him.

Marcus felt the dread grow.

“Tomas?” yearning hands, touch starved flesh reached out both reluctantly and eagerly for that suple cheek.

“Tomas, are you okay?”

The gaze lazily drifted to Marcus and blinked “ tu no eres real.”

_You’re not real._

Marcus blanched.

“Tomas? It’s me it’s Marcus-”

“Marcus se fue, nunca regreso.”

_Marcus left he  never returned._

Marcus flinched his deadpan tone ached in ways he couldn’t express, he also noticed Tomas hadn’t been able to form any thoughts in english.

“ I’m here Tomas please, I left… but I’m back  por favor mirame.”

_Look at me._

Tomas perked up slightly at that but not in the way Marcus wanted a cruel smile painted the younger man’s features.

“ You're not Marcus Keane “ Tomas snarled “ Marcus Keane is dead, and he’s a he’s a-” Tomas broke off the anger morphing to sadness.

 

It was clear to Marcus he wasn’t seeing him truly, he thought he was some sort of hallucination like he had been here before, been taunted before. Christ what hell had this boy been through with him gone?”

“ Tomas..”

“No me tocas” he managed, “ no me tocas más, me causas dolor”

Marcus frowned.

_Don’t touch me,You cause me pain_

“Marcus hesitates “ quien te causa dolor mi amor?”Despite himself, the endearment slips out

_Who hurt you my love?”_

Tomas shakes his head miserably “ se fue porque, soy así porque yo no soy fuerte.”

_He left because I am like this, because I am not strong._

Marcus felt like he had been punched in the gut.

Tears were now brimming in the younger man's eyes “ _porque me tiene miedo... disculpa me.”_

_Why is he afraid of me? Forgive me.._

 

Marcus was shocked when Tomas tried to pull away from him “ he didn’t want me.” Tomas managed quietly in english “ no one ever does, that’s why he left.” he shakes his head sadly

Marcus can feel tears running down his own face

“ That’s not true. He always wanted you, he was a coward-is a coward he was wrong to run- he thought... He thought.. You’d be better off without him. You are God’s chosen. He’s nothing but a empty pitcher.”

 

Tomas shook his head suddenly latching his hands to Marcus’ desperately.

“Por favor, si sois real… no te vayas, no me dejas solo otra vez.”

 

_If you’re real… please dont leave, please don’t leave me alone again._

 

Marcus couldn't help it, his hand went to either side of the younger man’s face. Bringing their foreheads together as they both silently wept.

“ It isn’t a  dream Tomas, I’m here for real ...I thought… I thought that I was making things better by leaving…” Marcus shook his head “  I was so wrong.” His hand stroked Tomas’ cheek with tenderness “ God led me back to you Tomas. I regret ever leaving...Im sorry.”

 

His thumbs slowly stroked Tomas cheeks as the younger man shook with grief “ I didn’t  ask for this Marcus.”

“I Know you didn’t  mi amor.” he tried  to smile “ you’re so much  stronger than you know“

“ I can’t do it without you, Marcus.” Tomas mutters

“I can’t do it without  you either.”

He slowly leans in kissing the other man gently on the cheek

There’s  silence and  then a small voice  manages “ Marcus? You’re  real? You’re really here?”

Marcus  gives a small wet  chuckle “si querido estoy aquí de verdad.”

_Yes my dear I am here, I’m here for real_

 

The dam suddenly breaks,  Marcus wraps Tomas into his embrace  pulling the boy as tightly as he dares to his chest; Tomas  melts into him as if a great weight was lifted from his shoulders.

 

The two fall to the bed as Marcus grabs the  bed spread and wraps the younger man in the soft  frazzled material like a child, bringing him to his  chest as he settles them back into the bed. He protectively  wraps his arms around the other man and whispers prayers of peace  of patience, and love, Their legs tangled together their bodies connected.  Tomas is nuzzled into the crook of Marcus’ neck, as he places gentle kisses on his forehead

And that  yawning void that opened in Marcus since he left  closed slightly.

 

This was  right.

This was where  he belonged

Where  they both belonged..

With his Tomas, his cachorro, his cub.

He ran  gentle hand  through his hair and Tomas’  hand found his tangling them together.

 Marcus would  lay his life down  for him and he knew Tomas  would do the same.

Slowly, he felt  Tomas relax and  the weariness that Marcus had been  carrying started to drop off.

When Mouse emerged some time later, she was surprised to find the two of them  pressed together, bodies intertwined fast asleep in each other’s presence, lion and  cub back together as they rightly should be.

She smiled  despite herself, as  she placed another blanket on top of them, Tomas shifted slightly  turning more into Marcus’, warmth, smiling slightly as he did Marcus, too looked at  peace, content.

For tonight, just for  tonight

Everything was  right in the world.

 

**Author's Note:**

> still on the tumble life- on-the- geek-side


End file.
